


Putting me back together again

by StormyBear30



Category: Lost
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-09
Updated: 2011-10-09
Packaged: 2017-10-24 10:36:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/262527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Continues where the episode "Fire + Water" ended. There are no spoilers intended, this is just what my slashy heart wishes would happen</p>
            </blockquote>





	Putting me back together again

They all thought I was crazy and I had given them enough reason to think so with my sleep walking and kidnapping of babies. They all thought I was using again, because anyone looking at me could see the look of irritation and frustration in my eyes as well as the way that I seemed to be unable to control the twitching of my body. I could deal with that. What I couldn't deal with was the fact that they all thought I was dangerous. Each and every one of them thought that I was capable of hurting the one creature that was the only thing to keep me sane during that time on the island. It hurt to know that they felt as if I could hurt Aaron, much less any of them. Each and every one of them turned their back on me that night, the night that I tried to save Aaron from whatever evil lay lurking around us. They refused to listen to my fears, refused to listen to my words, because to them I was just crazy Charlie Pace the drug user. I was instantly made to be a loner, a freak, one who sat away from the others as they went about their normal lives pretending that I didn't exist. I knew what they were thinking of me, knew that I was now labeled as trouble and one to avoids at all costs, but I didn't care. I did what I had to do in order to protect Aaron, because despite the fact that Claire hated me and refused to believe in me when I told her of Aaron's danger, I still thought of them as my family and no matter what I would defend them against any evil or danger.

Day's turned into weeks and weeks turned into month and still they avoided me. None of them would meet my eyes or acknowledge my presence as I walked through the caves to refill my water containers for the day. However, the complete opposite occurred when I went to the hatch to wash my clothes or shower as I was watched like a crazed man about to do something catastrophic. I was a broken man, a man with no heart to defend my honor, a freak of nature thrown upon an island with people who hated me and I was sure some wished me dead. Depression set in, even some paranoia because I was fearful that eventually the lynch mob would appear again and take me to my death. My one salvation was my guitar. It was thanks to that beautiful piece of hollow wood that I didn't lose my mind completely as my fingers glided over the gentle strings, taking me to another place entirely. I can't really explain it still to this day, but despite the fact that I had nothing left to live for, inspiration hit me right between the eyes. I began to hear music within my head, words that seemed to come from someplace deep and dark and yet despite that I knew that the songs that they became were really quite good. I was frustrated beyond belief that finally after many years of being blocked of creativity, I had no way to output my creativity and that eventually they would all be washed away as my mind lost its sanity more and more.

Jack was the only one that ever really spoke to me after everything that happened and even that was short and glib. He would come to tend to my facial wounds, asking clinical questions with no real thought or feeling behind them. I knew that he felt of me as the others did and that just made me fall even deeper into the abyss of nothingness that was slowly eating away at me. I would cry often deep into the darkness of the night, when I was sure that no body could hear me and even if they did, I knew that they wouldn't care. I would cry for everything that I had lost before and after landing on that dreaded island, but mostly I would just cry out of complete and utter loneliness. Yeah…I was sure that no one heard my cries as I wandered the moonlit beach nightly, but I was wrong.

My wounds were healing and despite the fact that Jack never went out of his way to be overly friendly to me on each visit, I relished those times for they were the only human contact I was allowed. On the day that he alerted me that I was fully healed and that he would no longer have to come and tend to me, I completely lost it. I literally fell apart at his feet, not caring who saw and how I looked, because I knew that once he left me alone on my own private beach of loneliness that I would lose my sanity quickly there afterwards. At first he just looked at me as if he didn't know what to do, didn't know how to react to the grown man blubbering at his feet like a broken child, but then I felt a set of hands upon my body, pulling me up off of the sandy ground. For long moments in time he just stood there, holding me at arms length, staring at me, his eyes boring into the very soul of my being that was open and broken for anyone to see. The next thing I knew I was in his arms, arms that tightened around my shoulders and back as I stood there unmoving and unable to fathom why he was doing what he was doing. "I'm sorry Charlie…" I heard his mumbled apologizes against my sweaty head as the hold upon me grew in strength. "I'm so sorry for letting you down when you needed me most" I didn't know where those words of his were coming from and why he felt I deserved them after everything that I had done, but I didn't care as I tentatively wrapped my arms around his waist and fell into the warmth and touch that he was willing to share with me.

He visited me daily after that night, sometimes talking, sometimes just staring off into the ocean with nothing but the sounds of the pounding surf speaking for us. I cherished those moments because even months later not one single person on that island was still willing to give me the time of day. It was during those times that I told him about the strange dreams that I had been having and was still having. I told him how they haunted me night and day and that I was still fearful of Aaron's safety. He assured me that Aaron and Claire were being well protected, Locke and Hurley never leaving their sides after what had happened between us on that fucked up night and that he was keeping an eye on them as well. I thanked him for telling me that, despite the fact that I was sure he felt he shouldn't have. I felt better knowing that they were being watched over, but something in my gut still told me that Aaron was in danger regardless of everything they were doing. I longed to move my tent closer to them in order to protect them, but somehow I had ended up so far around the bend on that stretch of beach that I saw no one and no one saw me. So, I was grateful for those visits from Jack because it forced me not to give up on the life that I was growing to hate more and more each day. Several times a week I would have to literally force myself not to dive out into the ocean deep into the darkness of night and allow the current to drag me away. Depression set in heavily upon me, taking away all the goodness that life once meant to me. Some days I didn't even bother to get up, instead wallowing in my pain and loneliness, wishing and praying that the god that I once held with such great and honest regard would just end my suffering. After awhile even Jack's visits, that once meant the world to me, began to mean nothing more then an annoyance.

There were some nights that he would come for me and I would hide off in the jungle in hopes that he would just go away. That tactic worked for a few days, but then one night he decided to come looking for me. He found me alright, cowering under a large tree as I once again cried over fate and the way that it had fucked up my life. I didn't even know that he was there, until I felt him fall to his knees before me, pulling me into his arms. His words were soothing at first, but then turned angry as he belted out all kinds of obscenities about how stupid and reckless I was to be wandering the jungle in the dark all alone. I got angry myself as I pushed him away, jumping to my feet, running as fast as I could further into the denseness of the jungle in hopes of losing him once and for all. I should have known that he would come after me, running just as quickly as I was before tackling me to the ground with the weight of his body. A bitter battle ensued after that, one were I was once again to be the loser due to weakness from hunger and the plain and simple fact that I just did not give a shit enough to put up much of a struggle. "Why are you doing this?" I asked Jack once the winner had been declared. "Just leave me be. Let me disappear into the jungle where no one will ever have to deal with me again. Just leave me be Jack…leave me be" I sobbed in despair as I once again curled myself into as much of a ball as my body would allow, hoping against hope that he would heed my words and leave me alone.

"I can't do that Charlie…" He replied almost quietly as he cautiously slide across the ground, sitting beside me, but not touching me.

"Why? Why won't you leave me alone?" I asked, looking up at him through eyes drowning in tears of frustration and regret. "Leave me be Jack. Go back to the others and take care of them. I'm not worth anything anymore. I just want to die alone, so alone"

"You're not alone Charlie…" He whispered tearfully against my ear as he knelt beside me, wrapping his arms around me in a way that I could not move away from. "You have me. You'll always have me"

"Why…why do you care if I live or die?" I questioned him, looking up as our eyes locked as I waited for his answer. He didn't say anything, but I could see that his mind was working, could see flickers of something that I could not understand within his eyes. "Please Jack…" I was once again ready to beg for him to leave me alone, but I never finished my words as he placed a lingering and simple kiss upon my lips. I was too stunned to do much of anything, too shocked to try and figure out what if anything that kiss meant. Once my brain starting running again, I just choked it up to sympathy. However, when those same salty lips pressed upon my own once again, that time lingering a bit longer, I knew that it was quite possibly something else. I didn't know what to do, couldn't explain the way that my mind balked at the idea, yet my body warmed to it. I waned to push him away and continue on my task of losing myself within the confines of the jungle, yet at the same time I found that just those simple touches of his lips against my own warmed a part of my heart that I was sure had already died. He kissed me a third time and that time I didn't resist as I puckered my lips together and kissed him back a bit hesitantly. He took that as encouragement as he sat down on his bum hesitantly, placing one of his hands at the small of my back before leaning in and kissing me yet again. I kissed him back yet again that time without regard or care, just enjoying the way that his hand felt warm on my body, the oneness I felt as that kiss turned into something a little more adventurous. I had never kissed a man before that moment, but as a heated tongue slide its way slowly over my dry lips and tenderly touched my own, I knew that I was finally kissing whom I was supposed to be kissing. The truth was that I had been with a few women in my years, but none of them every meant a thing to me. It was nice to be with someone, but there was never that spark of longing that I felt should come with falling in love. While with the band Liam always had loads of women on his arm and in his bed, where I preferred to hang out with my mates or alone as I wrote. We kissed softly and slowly, until I was dizzy and unable to continue, although I surely wanted to.

"Come on…" Jack grinned down at me as he pulled himself into a standing position, taking my hand as he helped me off of the ground as well. "Let's get you back to your camp" I froze at his words because I knew that I was to be sleeping alone again that night as another wave of loneliness washed over me. I didn't say anything, just nodded my head as I allowed him to lead me back to my patch of hell. "Here is some fresh water and some food. I want you to eat in small increments since I know that you haven't been eating Charlie" He directed me like any good doctor would as he began to pull items from his knapsack. "I really wish that you would go back to the hatch and take a shower, because bathing in the salt water has only dried out your skin. I brought you some lotion and…"

"Just bloody well stop…" I cried out, halting his actions as he looked over at me with a look of shock upon his face. "Just leave me alone Jack….for the love of all that is holy just leave me alone. Go back to the others and tend to them because they need you more then I do. I don't need you taking care of me because I can take care of myself" Shoulders slumped, I began to walk away from him, but I stopped as I felt a hand clamp around my wrist.

"You may not need me Charlie, but did you ever think that I might need you?" He asked, as I turned to face him with a look of shock and disbelief across my face.

"What?" Was all I could mutter, because my mind was too messed up to do much else.

"Did you ever stop to think that I need to take care of your Charlie?" He replied.

By that time my mind was free and clear as the same anger that I had felt before began to gnaw upon my once again. "I may be a fucked up bugger" I shouted, taking a step forward as I poked him in the chest with my index finger. "But I sure as hell don't need your pity. I am not your bloody charity case Jack, so just go back to your side of the island and leave me the fuck alone" I once again turned heel, intent of leaving him in the dust, only to stop again at the words he spoke next.

"I love you Charlie" He yelled over the pounding surf and the pounding of my heart. "And you are not, nor have you ever been a charity case to me. You are the strongest person on this entire island, the kindest and even though you or anyone else can't see it…I can"

"You've been out in the sun to long" Was my sad retort as I turned to face him as he stood mere feet away from me and yet it felt as if it was miles. "You don't love me Jack, you pity me and I won't stand for that. I may feel as if I have no one, may want my life to end day after day due to my loneliness, but I refuse to be your pity case. So fuck you Jack Shepherd" I roared, running as fast as I could away from him and the lingering hope that was trying like hell to worm it's way into my heart. I don't know how long I ran, but I didn't stop until there was no more breath in my body and my legs were wobbly streams of jelly. It was right there on a stretch of island that I had never seen before that I allowed his words, those few kisses and the reality of everything that had happened to overtake me. I fell to the ground hard, unable to move, barley breathing as I closed my eyes and allowed an unwavering blackness to consume me. The blackness was calming and comforting as I drifted in the nothingness of space and timelessness. I was weightless in my emotions as well as nothing that happened before hand mattered any longer. I didn't know where I was or for how long I was going to be there, but I didn't care because I was going to enjoy it for as long as I could. In thought, I hoped that that place was death, hoped that the calming and peacefulness of it would end my tortured life on earth, but then a light caught my attention out of the corner of my eye and I knew that my small bit of happiness was about to end.

"I can't believe that you brought him here" I heard an irritated voice speak in attempted undertones. I wasn't really sure where here was, but I could only assume that I was in the hatch and someone was unhappy about me being there.

"What the hell did you want me to do…leave him out there? Jesus, he was half dead when I found him" I heard another speak, but not the one that I assumed it would be. Instantly I began to worry that something had happened to Jack, but my mind and my mouth were still quite incoherent and I was unable to speak or move to alert them to my consciousness.

"Serves him right for everything that he did to Claire and the baby" The voice of Locke spoke up even louder, with a deadliness in it that caused me to shiver involuntarily.

"What exactly did he do to Claire, expect try and protect her baby" The voice that I could have sworn was Sawyer replied, but again I was not sure.

"Protect them from what? Himself…" John ground out, his voice loud and full of hatred. "He was using again. The only thing they needed to be protected from was that heroin addict"

"You really believe that he was using again?" The voice questioned as I struggled internally to answer that question for him.

"I caught him red handed…"

"Yes, so you said, but did you ever stop to think that maybe he was going to destroy the statues like he said. Think about it John…" The voice spoke up as Locke attempted to speak his thoughts on that matter once again. "Those statues had been for there for how long before you found them and as far as I know not once did Charlie ever act like he was using. He was happy taking care of Claire and the baby, you could tell just by looking at him that they gave him a purpose in life, one that drugs could never give him"

"Why are you defending him Sawyer? You don't trust anyone" My suspicions were confirmed that it was in fact Sawyer that had brought me there and he whom was defending my honor.

"I just call them as I see them chief" I could hear the grin in his voice, despite the fact that I couldn't see it. "I've been around a lot of losers in my lifetime. I've seen every kind of burn out there is and he was a burn out when we crash landed on this rock, but I don't believe that anymore. He's changed, he's different, I'd bet money on it"

"So would I…" I heard the sweet sound of Jack's voice speak up, relief flooding me that he was ok.

"Since that night he has not shown any withdrawal stages whatsoever. Yes…he was acting a bit strange before hand, but it was out of fear for the safety of Aaron. So much strange shit has happened to each and every one of us on this island since we've landed here and we decide to oust Charlie because of his" No one spoke a word, as my heart hammered within my chest because in truth I didn't know what was going to happen next. I was torn in half as I debated what would be better for me, willing death to once again take me into the blackness for all eternity or the thought of possibly being brought back into the group of misfits that inhabited that island. It had been nearly six months since I had been made an outcast and even if those three had allowed me back, I knew that many others would balk at the idea. I didn't want to be the cause of anymore grief and concern anymore, especially Aaron and Claire. I was also torn between a flickering of love that was growing inside me for Jack, and the fear of rejection if it turned out that I was, as I accused him earlier, his pity case.

"I don't know. I don't think that he deserves a second chance" Locke spoke up, my heart delving deeply into my stomach because I knew I was to be banished once again despite Sawyer's and Jack's best efforts.

"No one gives a shit about what you think Hoss…" Sawyer said snidely. "We've all been given a second chance and even a third and a fourth and I think that Charlie deserves one as well. I was once again in awe of Sawyer's defense, and I could not have loved that man any more then I did at that exact moment. "Besides…we have Jack here who will keep a good close look on him…won't you doc?" I wanted to laugh at those words, wanted to see the look on Jack's face if I had been able too, but instead I just allowed the good vibes I was feeling to inhabit me fully. I didn't know if Sawyer knew about our time spent together, or the fact that we had shared a few manly kisses and I found that I really didn't care. I realized then that no matter what, if Jack was truly interested in me then I wasn't going to let anything or anyone get in the way of that. Finding love was rare and despite the fact that I wasn't even sure of my own sexuality in itself, I found that I longed to explore it with no one else but him.

I drifted in and out after that, sometimes waking to the sounds of voices and others hearing nothing but the sound of breathing. I was never sure if it was my own or someone else's, but something told me that it was Jack who was sitting there watching over me. I finally woke early one morning, my suspicions confirmed as I looked over at the side of the bed and found Jack sleeping in a chair beside me. I really didn't want to wake him because he looked so peaceful, but my bladder and the stench rolling off of my body forced me to do otherwise. "Jack…hey…" I spoke slowly, my voice gravelly and dry as I sat up, the world around me tipping off of its axis for a moment once I had.

"Welcome back…" He said with a sleepy smile as he sat up, placing his hand upon my forehead before checking my eyes and pulse rate. "You scared us for a moment there" He went on as he continued to check my vitals as I began to shift uncomfortably before him as he droned on and on about what I could not comprehend due to the pain in my bladder.

"Mate no offense, but…" I jumped up off of the bed, the room once again spinning as I fell forward into a pair of strong arms.

"Take it easy" Jack whispered against my ear as he helped me towards the loo. I should have been uncomfortable standing there with my trousers at me knees as I took the longest leak ever, but I wasn't. I didn't even bat an eye as he stripped me of my ripe threads, leaning me against the wall of the shower as he began to wash away the debris and funk that had been accumulating all over me for far too long. It felt amazing to feel clean once again as the warmth of the water cascaded over my body, but what felt even more amazing was way that those rough and calloused hands with just the softest of touches worked me into such a frenzy that I hardened and exploded all over the wall I was propped up on before I even know what had happened.

"Oh my god…" I cried out once I got over the wonderful sensations, only to be replaced by a full blown embarrassed panic. "Bugger…bugger…bugger…" I tried to push myself away from him, but those damn hands refused to let me go as he forced me to stand exposed and naked before him. "I'm so sorry Jack. I didn't mean for that to happen" Tears ran down the sides of my face because I was sure that he was going to run away and tell everyone that not only was I dangerous, but the I was a pervert as well.

"Don't be…" He soothed as he shut off the water, wrapping a large towel across my naked body. "It's perfectly normal after everything that has happened to you" I felt his arms wrap around me tightly as they had before and that time I didn't even try to fight him as I leaned into his embrace, closing my eyes as the warmth of his body spread into my own. I could have stayed there all day, but he had other ideas as he released me slightly, still keeping an arm around my waist as he led me back into the single bed room. "Feeling better?" He asked once he had dressed me in a pair of sweatpants and an over sized knit shirt.

"Yeah…" I half whispered, half yawned as I sat on the bed, Jack once again sitting on his chair somewhat between my legs. "Come here…" He indicated with his finger as I slowly leaned forward and accepted the small kiss that I knew was coming my way. "You scared me" He said, laying his hand upon the side of my face as I leaned into his touch. "You ran off and when I couldn't find you I came back to form a search party. It felt like forever, but eventually Sawyer and I found you and…"

"It was only you and Sawyer?" I asked, but I didn't need him to confirm that because I could see the upset and sadness within his eyes. "I don't remember much of it" I pushed on. "I remember running from you and then falling and then waking up here"

"You were so dehydrated and malnourished that your body couldn't take anymore. When we found you, you were practically half dead. Your respiration was so low that I wasn't even sure you were going to make it, but you pulled though" He smiled, once again leaning forward as he covered my lips under his own. That time I got into it a bit more as I lifted my hand, placing it on the back of his neck before pulling him forward for another shared snog. I could feel him smile against my mouth and I took that opportunity to do some exploring of my own with my tongue and my teeth. It didn't last long, but as we broke apart, even I couldn't keep the smile off of my face. "Get some more rest. I'll bring you something to eat and some fresh water once you wake up"

I watched as he got up off of the chair and made his way away from me and for some reason that frightened me more then anything that had happened to me on that god forsaken island. "Jack…" I cried out, forcing my eyes to stay open as I held my hand out towards him.

"Don't worry Charlie…I won't be leaving you again" I heard him say and then I heard no more.

I stayed in the hatch for nearly a month afterwards as the body that I had abused and neglected slowly went back to normal. True to his word, Jack never left my side for long and when he did it was only to perform his leadership duties. At the beginning people would enter the hatch and pretend that they didn't see me laying there and despite my repeated attempts of telling myself that it didn't matter, each time that it happened my heart broke a bit more. Then one day I received a visitor other then Jack and Sawyer. Kate seemed nervous and unsure as she entered the room, sitting on the chair beside the bed all fidgety. I was afraid to talk to her at first, but with an smile of assurance from Jack I began to speak and by the time she left it was as if nothing had happened. I told her of my dreams and my fears, told her of the urge to use again, but how I had found the courage to say no. I assured her that when Locke found me with the statues, that I was preparing myself to destroy them and yet I could understand why no one believed me that I wasn't using again. She seemed to accept my words as before she left she leaned down, kissed me upon the cheek and told me how happy she was that I was back. Jack held me after that as I cried in complete and utter relief that someone else other then Sawyer and Jack once again held faith in me. The next day Libby and Anna Lucia came by for a visit, staying long enough to let me know that they were in fact glad that I was ok as well. People began to trickle in more and more with each day that past as words of friendship and rebuilding were shared. With each visit Jack just sat off to the sides watching me, never saying a word, but speaking with his eyes and the smile that never left his lips. Eventually, they all came to see me, all of them except for Claire and Aaron, the ones that I longed to see the most. I asked about them nightly once Jack had ushered everyone away and it was just he and I alone in the hatch, but he always said that same thing. "Just give her time" I found out later by Hurley that Locke was practically setting up house with her and the baby and that since that night he had attacked me, practically no one was allowed to speak to either of them. I was concerned for Claire and her baby, but Jack assured me once again that she was being looked after constantly and that there was nothing to be concerned about.

Nothing much had changed between Jack and myself during that time in the hatch, but on the day that he felt I was well enough to move back to the beach everything changed for us. At his insistence I moved into his tent under the pretense that I was still under his observation. I didn't put up any fuss whatsoever and no one else seemed to think it out of the ordinary either. It felt strange to be sleeping on the hard ground once again, but with Jack sleeping beside me I would have slept anywhere. We hadn't really taken out relationship any further then before, just some simple kissing and a night when he allowed me to explore his body with my hands after telling him that I had never been with a man before and wondered of the differences between a man and women's body. He was patient and gentle as he allowed me the time to examine him from top to bottom with my eyes, then with the hands. I couldn't believe how jutted and rough his body was compared to the last women I had been with, but I quickly found that I liked it in only a good way. I felt his breath hitch in his throat as my hand lay above the waistline of his boxer as I slowly pulled them downward, only to expel hotly across my neck as I gently touched the hardening flesh I found below there. "Do you want me to stop?" I asked hesitantly as his breathing began to increase as well.

"Only if you want to, but I have to tell you Charlie, I may no be able to control myself just as you did that day in the shower" I couldn't help but smile as the memory of Jack's touch and the aftermath played before my eyes once again and I found that I wanted to give back to him some of the pleasure that he had given me. I was nervous as hell as I took his penis in my hand, getting used to the feel and the texture of it, completely oblivious to the fact that I was torturing the poor bloke attached to it. I was amazed at just how different his looked compared to mine. His was thick and strong, curved slightly at an angle that I found quite easy to maneuver with my hand. The head was large and blossoming, a slight dribble of wetness peaking out from the hole there. I wondered what it would taste like as I ran my tongue along my bottom lip, but fear prohibited me from taking a taste as I ran the tip of my finger idly over it instead, eliciting a full moan from Jack. "Let…let me show you…" He stammered, looking up at me as he took my hand into his own, wrapping it around the hard shaft as he began to set a motion that I knew by the look on his face was bringing him pleasure. "Like that Charlie…" His words were heavy and full of lust as together we continued what we were doing, only to increase it slightly a few moments later before he erupted over our combined hands. Afterwards as he lie back trying to catch his breath, I couldn't deny the urge to taste him once again as I dipped my finger into the glistening glob, sucking that finger into my mouth as I experienced my first salty taste of Jack. "How do I taste?" I heard him asked me, my eyes jerking open as I found him staring up at me with laughing eyes.

"Bloody awful" I grinned back, blushing like mad as I fell upon the sand beside him as he rearranged his formerly discarded clothing.

"Maybe I can find out how you taste some day" He said rolling onto his side as he gazed at me with eyes so full of raw hunger that my heart stopped beating within my chest for a moment.

"Yeah…maybe" I teased once I pulled myself back together, closing my eyes as he leaned in and kissed me with a smile upon his lips before we settled in for the night.

It was actually almost a week later before we even attempted any sort of sex play It seemed that fate was playing a cruel joke on us as several of the survivors came down with some sort of flu, keeping Jack running for nearly three days before he passed out from the sheer exhaustion of tending to his flock. I was worried about Jack, worried that he was running himself ragged and once I knew that he was sound asleep, snuggled under the covers of the bed in the hatch, I made it known to everyone that he was not to be disturbed for any reason other then death. I knew that relations between the ones whom at one time had banished me to the other part of the island was still shaky to say the least, but I didn't care because Jack's welfare was all that mattered to me at that time. He woke up a day later, fully refreshed and sprouting a woody that made me painful just looking at it. I offered to help him with his problem, but as I was reaching under the covers to alleviate his situation, Locke took that exact moment to walk in. He didn't say a word to either of us as I withdrew that hand, pretending to fix the sheets as I covered up his erection. He eyed us for a moment before once again taking his leave. "Come on…" I said, taking Jack's hand as I tugged him upwards.

"Where are we going?" He asked, his hands trying to hide his even larger boner as he fumbled with his clothes.

"Just come on…" I said with a smile, watching as he pulled his button up shirt downwards, once again in an attempt to hide the plainly obvious. He didn't say anything else as we exited the hatch, slipping quietly and unnoticed into the jungle. When I felt that we were far out enough from prying eyes, I took his hand and set of into a run in order to get us to where we were going quicker. Once there, I pushed him against a large and towering tree, capturing his lips in a bruising kiss that spoke of what was to happen next.

"Charlie…" He moaned as I continued to assault his lips, my hands working on the snaps of his jeans in order to remove them. "Oh god…" He cried out once the snaps were unfastened, one hand delving in as I grabbed the rock hard pole within it. Without hesitation my free hands reached behind me, removing a small needed bottle of lotion from my back pocket as I pressed it into Jack's hand. "What…Charlie…no…" I heard him mutter as he dropped the lotion in his hand as if it had burned him.

"You don't want me?" I asked, stepping back as I cut all contract with his body at his rejection.

"What…no" He replied in his defense as he grabbed onto my forearms and pulled me back into his arms. "Of course I want you Charlie" He assured. "I just don't want you to feel pressured if your not ready"

"I'm ready Jack…" I assured him as I looked up at him with a small smile upon my face. "I'm a bit frightened because I've never done this before, but I know that I want to try it. I'm ok Jack…really I am" I kissed him quickly as I slowly removed the rest of his clothing, losing my own a moment later as we stood fully nude before each other. I could see the uncertainly in his eyes as he gauged my own, but I had gone that far and I was determined that before we left I was going to know what it felt like to have Jack Shepherd lodged deep within me. I once again took the lead as I kissed him unmercifully, our dicks coming in contact with each others for the first time. We each cried out at that contact, giggling afterwards as we waited to see if anyone came investigating. Once we felt secure enough that no one was, our sex play began again as he dropped to his knees and gave me another first in the many I had accumulated in the previous months, my first man given blow job. Although I had nothing to compare it too, Jack's skill was amazing as I bit onto my hand to contain the cries of passion that threatened to expel from my throat. I came hard as I watched him swallow every drop without hesitation, never once breaking the eyes contact he had locked on me.

"Charlie…I need you" He begged against my lips, not kissing me really, but just laying them against my own as his ragged breath blasted across my own lips. "Only if your ready…" Stealing a quick kiss, I removed myself from his body as I moved around to the tree behind us, bracing my arms upon the hardened bark, giving my body some distance from the hard surface.

"I'm ready…" I replied a bit fearfully, looking over my shoulder with a more determined look upon my face then what I truly felt. I wanted to beg of him to be gentle and take it slow, but it was Jack and I trusted in him that he would make sure to take care of me and the body that I was offering over to him. As expected he was gentle and loving as he walked me through each little step of our love making. I knew that it must have been killing him to be so attentive, but I said not a word because despite everything I was still a bit frightened. One finger breached my hole in a slow and circular motion, coated with plenty of lotion for needed lubricant. The first one wasn't much more then a bit of uncormfortablness that I quickly learned I could tolerate pretty easily, it was the second and then the third that stretched me a bit more, causing that discomfort to turn into something more painful.

"You have to relax Charlie or I will hurt you" Jack whispered against my ear, his sweaty body plastered against me as his fully erect dick bounced off of the back of my leg with each movement. "Relax…I promise you it isn't all painful" He whispered again taking his penis into his hand before placing it at my entrance. He didn't move after that, just sat there as he began to murmur words into my ear that I could not understand out of the stone cold fear that had created a buzzing in my head. I couldn't help but cry out as he slide into me fully, once again he stilling as he waited for me to adjust, those same soft words flowing past his lips. The pain was something that I figured I would soon never forget, but as he began to move within my, I found that I forgot about everything except for the shooting ripples of pleasure that shot through my entire body with each thrust. Unbelievably I grew hard once again as he continued to pound within me in a frenzied rhythm that was driving us both mad with need of release. I came soundlessly, pressing my forehead against the tree, Jack right there after me as he bit painfully upon my shoulder as he did. We dressed in silence, sitting against that same tree we had made love before as we smiled over at each other. We must have sat there for hours afterwards, just talking and sharing sweet kisses. Eventually we knew that we had to go back as we shared one final kiss before Jack left ahead of me. He had decided that it would be better if we not walk back into camp together because he was sure that with one look upon our faces that everyone would know what we had been up too. I wanted to be upset with his thoughts about that, but found that I couldn't be because everything with Jack was so new and I wasn't sure how I would, if I could explain it. I sat back down and counted to one hundred before taking my leave as well, deep in thought as I replayed just how amazing making love with Jack had turned out to be. I was so lost in my daydreams, that I never heard the screams of terror as I entered the camp, only felt fists pummeling my chest before I felt as sharp pain across the back of my head and then my world went black.

"Wake up…" I heard the all to familiar hateful voice of Locke scream at me as I felt a blow to my face. Opening my eyes I found the entire island of people standing around me, my hands and legs bound to what appeared to be a tree at my back. I tried to speak, but found it a mute point as something gross and disgusting had been shoved into my mouth.

"Where's my baby you animal?" I heard Claire scream at me, tears blazing down her face as she stood before me shifting from foot to foot in full panic and upset. I felt as if I was in some sort of twilight zone as I closed my eyes and tried to bring myself back into reality. Locke brought me back as his fist connected with my jaw yet again, my eyes flying open as the taste of blood joined the already rancid taste of the cloth in my mouth.

"I know you took him. Now tell us where he is or I will kill you where you stand" The threat in his voice was real as a shimmer of metal presented itself in the form of a hunting knife at my throat. "I will enjoy slitting your throat Charlie" And I knew that he would as the tip of the blade dug into my throat, warm wetness dripping down my neck from the incision it made.

"I found the baby…" Someone screamed as the mob standing before me parted ways as the voice turned into Sun. "I found him laying in my garden…" She went on winded as she placed the infant back within his frightened mothers arms, all thoughts of me forgotten for the moment as it was insured that the wee one was indeed not injured in any way. It was during that brief period of time that I cursed the heavens above for what I was sure to be my final death scene. I wondered briefly where Jack was, wondered if he was in on it in some sick and twisted way as tears of pain slide slowly down my face. As expected once it was learned that Aaron was in deed not harmed they all turned their hateful attention toward me, the coolness of John's blade once again digging at my throat. Closing my eyes I waited for the painful slice that I knew was to come, instead only to hear the metal of the blade hit the toe of my shoe as something whizzed past my ear, knocking Locke screaming in pain to the ground. Opening my eyes I found Sawyer pointing a gun in my direction, holding up a bloodied Jack with his other arm.

"Jmmmfff" I cried out, struggling against the ropes stopping me from getting to the man that in that instant I knew I had fallen in love with. The vines were sharp and cut into my wrists and ankles as I continued to struggle against them. Thankfully Sawyer made his way through the crowd, making sure to keep his gun on the moaning man at my feet as he deposited Jack before me.

"Charlie…" I heard Jack call my name as he stepped out of Sawyer's grasp, struggling to make his way over towards me. "Are you ok?" He asked, picking up the knife from the ground as he cut me free.

"Are you ok?" I asked him, after spitting the rag out, as I lunged towards him, capturing his face within my hands as I inspected the out pouring of blood on the side of his head. "Who did this to you?" I went on with my line of questioning, but it was Sawyer who answered it all as he turned to face the mob that for the second time since I had arrived on that island had turned their back on me because of Locke.

"Locke did this" He cried out, still pointing the gun at the man bleeding before him on the ground. "He tracked you both into the jungle earlier…watched what you were…doing" He stammered, blushing a bit as he basically outed us to the circle before us, but it didn't last long as he continued with his story. "After you left each other he stalked off after Jack, knocking him out cold with the back of that knife before going after you. He already knew that the baby was gone and that immediately everyone would assume it was you, the only thing I can't figure out is who he had kidnap the baby since there was no way that he had enough time to do that" Our eyes scanned the crowd, immediately getting out answer as we spotted a nervous looking Hurley standing among them. "Something to tell us Jabba?" Sawyer shouted over towards him, kicking Locke in the gut when he cried out for Hurley to keep his mouth shut.

"He had me convinced that Charlie was going to go after that baby again and that this plan of his was the only way to keep them safe" Hurley spoke up and I actually felt bad for the guy for about two seconds before the anger and disgust for the whole lot of them over took me. I said not a word to any of them as Jack and I walked away. I only had one thing on my mind and that was taking care of the man that I loved. "I'm sorry Charlie…I didn't know it would go this far" Hurley's words echoed behind us, but I could have cared less as I turned to face Sawyer, him giving me a wink and a nod before turning his attention back to the wounded Locke. I knew that we should have offered him some assistance with the would in his shoulder, but I found that with no guilt whatsoever I could just ignore that thought and so it seemed with Jack as well. Together we stumbled towards the hatch, each to deep and thought as to what had happened to say much of anything. I tended to the knot in Jack's head as he walked me though what to do, he reversing the roles once he was cleaned up, as he tended to the bloody mess my wrists and ankles had become. Once we were done, I wrapped my arms around his waist as together we walked towards the bed, laying down upon it as we held each other tightly. I don't know how long we were there before Sawyer returned, looking smug and full of himself as he sauntered into the room without even a second thought.

"You both ok?" He asked, sitting down upon a nearby chair.

"Bloody fabulous…" I mocked, helping Jack sit up, but not bothering to even try and relinquish the hold that I had upon him. "What the fuck just happened out there?" I asked because something told me that Sawyer knew much more then he was letting on.

Turned out that Locke was even nuttier then I every expected as Sawyer told his tale. "Locke set everything up" He began sitting forward as he looked over at me. "He set you up really good princess" He went on, a dower look upon his face. "You started talking about the little tyke being in trouble and he used your former drug use to turn Claire against you. He had her convinced that you trying to kill the baby and she being the fearful mother that she is believed ever word that he said. You kind of played into the crazy role with your kidding napping the kid and all before hand anyway. Sleep walking or not…" He put his hands up when I tried to defend myself. "I believe you powder puff…with all the crazy shit that has been going on since we got here, nothing surprises me anymore. Besides I know how crazy you are for that kid and would never hurt him, any fool can see it"

"Sawyer…" Jack warned, his tone untrusting, but who could blame him after everything that the two of them had been through, but for me though, I couldn't really explain it, but I trusted Sawyer and I knew that he was telling us the truth.

"Right…after that it was kind of easy for him to manipulate the crowd. The fact is that most of us are a bunch of followers and Locke is a strong presence, so it was easy for him to make them believe that you were using again and dangerous"

Why would he do that to me?' I asked, confused as to why Locke was so determined to get rid of me.

"What the cows out there didn't know was…" He continued with a strange look upon his face that forced me to clutch Jack tighter because I had a feeling that I wasn't going to like what I was about to hear. "that he was planning on sacrificing you to the island"

"What…" Jack cried out as I cowered within his arms, my heart racing like a speeding fright train within my chest at those words. "I swear to god Sawyer if you making this up I will…"

"Now don't get your panties all twisted up in a knot doc…" Sawyer glared over at Jack. "Thankfully your good friend Anna Lucia is a cop and was able to…make him talk if you will" The evil grin upon his face did nothing to stop my racing heart, but I held it together because I wanted to hear the rest. "He told us that the island was calling for a sacrifice and at first he was going to sacrifice that kid, but then he figured you were the easiest choice"

Tremors inhabited my body at the realization of just how close to death Aaron and myself had actually been. I knew right then and there that Locke would have had no trouble killing me as the sacrificial lamb that he felt that island wanted. ""It's ok Charlie…you're safe now" I heard Jack whisper against my ear, but it did nothing to ease my fears.

"Do you think that it's true?" I asked, moving out of Jack's grasp as I sat off to the side of the bed.

"Do I think what's true Sparkle?" Sawyer asked, a look of confusion upon his face.

"That the island told Locke it needed a sacrifice" I replied, shifting off of the bed and out of Jack's reach before he could touch me. "I mean you said it yourself that so much strange shit has happened to all of us since we were marooned here, how do you know that what Locke said wasn't true?" I began to bite at my nails nervously, pacing before the two as all sorts of thoughts and fears converged upon me.

"Because Locke was a crazy fuck who played on the weakness of one man. There may be a lot of shit going on on this island, but virgin sacrifices is not one of them"

"I'm no bloody virgin" I bit out, turning to face the two men, both of them grinning over at me.

"Well not now…" He laughed, getting up off of the chair. "Anna Lucia and I have taken care of Locke. Turns out that Echo has some medical knowledge and was able to get the bullet out, nice and painful like. I've alerted the entire group of idiots out there of everything and they are more sorry then you can every imagine Charlie"

"How's the baby and Claire?" I asked, because despite everything I still cared deeply for the two of them.

"Both fine and when you up to it…if you want…she would like to speak to you. But…for now you two need rest and whatever else it is that two gay men like yourself like to do" He grinned between the two of us once again before taking his leave. I've closed off this section of the hatch, so you can have some privacy. Don't worry about the code because I've got a list of shifts going. Don't worry no one will disturb you until you are ready" I couldn't believe how in such a short about of time Sawyer had changed, becoming a stand up man without being forced into it.

"Thank you Sawyer…" I cried out tearfully as I practically leapt into his arms. "You saved my life and I can't even begin to pay you back for that" I knew that I would forever be in debt to Sawyer because it was due to him that I was still living.

"Get your lover back into shape so he can be fearless leader again and then we will be square Twinkle Toes" He shared a full smile with me before leaving us alone.

"I'm wasn't crazy then" I spoke more to myself after Sawyer left as I stood before Jack's bed, amazed and relived that those dreams that had started it all were in a sense true. They had been a warning to alert me that Aaron was in fact in danger and although they never told me that it was Locke that was the cause of the danger, I was thankful for them just the same. All the pain and the grief had been worth it as long as it meant that the wee one was safe with the mother that loved him.

"No you weren't crazy Charlie…" I heard Jack speak, forcing me to turn my attention towards him. "I'm beginning to believe in all that strange shit that happens around here now, but most important…I believe in you. Come here…" He smiled over at me, cocking his finger in a way that I knew what was to come next.

Jack and I spent the next couple of days hiding away from the others, truly not caring about what was going on out there. We discussed many things during that time, one night so much as even thinking about moving away from everyone and everything so we could be alone and not have to deal again with all that had happened and that people that had some part in it. However, I knew that as much as I would have loved for that to happen, all those people, including Sawyer depended on Jack to be their leader and without him everything that he had worked so hard to build would just fall apart. We decided to just move past everything that happened and proceed with the future. It was hard for me at the beginning to forgive everyone, especially Claire, but eventually I was able to. We were stuck on that island for fourteen years before we were rescued and it was fourteen of the most amazing years of my life because I had Jack in my life to share the good and the bad with. Its been ten since the rescue and Jack and I are still together, happy and more in love then we every though possible.

The End…


End file.
